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Okay so I will finish the December meme SOON but I am going to vent about my life because maybe it will make me feel better?

So I have a part-time job, and I like it! But I've also been dealing with adjusting to life things and thus didn't get another one for Christmas like I should have, which I very much regret now, because:

I had been living at my dad's up until October. This was because my mom had no money, and the previous part-time job I had pretty much only covered gas expenses to be there. My dad is kind of a dick and it was really hard on me living there, but it was free. Then I moved to my current job[1] and breathed easily for a moment - I would finally be making enough that I could start saving up a little in order to move out! He started charging me rent that same week. Asking me to help out with household expenses is not unreasonable (though the amount was), but the way he did it, reaffirming his opinion that I have no right to have my feelings or opinions on anything considered, to be treated as an adult or even as a person, was the final straw.

I have felt so much better since I moved out. I haven't had a depressive episode for longer than a few hours (until today when I finally got overwhelmed.)

I moved out to my mom's. I knew it would only be temporary, because she has no income, but I was counting on around six months. Unfortunately she's been living in financial delusion land as usual, and finally realized this month that she had to sell the house before they foreclose on it, which would be in two months. While she has friends that she can stay with if she ends up with no place to live, all my friends are online. I can pay $300/month in rent, maximum. I looked at craigslist and freaked out a lot.

I ended up replying to an ad looking for a roommate for an elderly lady who would lower the rent in exchange for the renter doing housework and occasional errands, working out to about $250/mo including utilities. I went and saw the house, which is a complete wreck, but ended up agreeing to it because I don't know how to find anything better. They want to do everything in informal agreements[2] and cash which makes me really uneasy, but I don't know what else to do.

I have less than two weeks to pack my stuff. I have literally hundreds of books. I can't take them with me, there's no room for them. I doubt I can get much money for them, but I will try. Getting rid of them is extremely painful. I don't have anyone to help me move my stuff, or anything to haul larger items in. I won't have a desk for my computer, or internet access.

My mother is still dragging her feet on selling the house. If she can't sell it in time (which she may not, it is in major need of fixing up) she will literally have nothing. She continues to refuse to face this fact. [3]

Job searching continues to stress me out. I don't have anything to put on my resume.

My stepmother has breast cancer, and her son is in the midst of a divorce. I can't ask my dad for help. (Moving help, I mean. Never moral support.)

I just want to curl up and cry.


[1] They were both for the city government, which only allows you to work one job for them at a time, so I could not do both.

[2] We have a written rental agreement but I really doubt it would hold up in court, as it's on a sheet of notebook paper.

[3] She's near the end of her mortgage; if the house sells for an okay price she will have enough to outright buy a very small house.

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